Today started with the car...but it's not about the car!

December 17, 2012 Today started out for me with an upbeat personal vibration. The challenges of late have had me on a bit of a roller coaster, but today I felt pretty darn good! Heading to the office my car had a big orange light flashing, telling me to Check Hybrid Engine!!! I took it to my local mechanic and when he tried to look at it, the engine wouldn’t even start again. So my car had to be towed to Reno to a Lexus dealer, the only one who could work on the hybrid. My grand dog Action and I got a ride back home from the tow truck driver…. This definitely took down my upbeat vibration. I began to engage in a full blown pity party. This is not about the car, believe me!!! It’s about a lot more than that for me. First of all I KNOW there is a lot of sadness being felt, far greater than mine, in many many places and I am not in any way without compassion. And as compassionate as I am for others, this is my life and my experience and I am just trying to make sense out of it. The car for me I am hoping, is the last “outside” experience left to break. This last year has been a year of so many breaks….all kinds of relationships mostly with humans and this one just symbolized the nonhuman elements on the outside that I count on, on a day to day basis….broken. Today I found myself on my own, to just sit with this, no wheels to drive me to distraction. I just sit, and reflect, and meditate and pray and hope to come to a place of peace with this existence that has so many unanswered questions. On this small scale of mine, I know I am not alone. I know this has been a year of incredible breakdowns and changes. And I still want to figure it out, my part of it at least, that is the only part that is mine to look at. With all of the Radical Forgiveness training I have received from Colin Tipping, I have quite a toolbox. I also have 8 solid years of listening to the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. Today I pulled out one of my all time favorite books, The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts…A Seth Book. Here is some of what I read: “You must realize that you are indeed a probable you. Your experience is the result of beliefs. Your neuronal structure necessitates a certain focus so that other experiences counter to your conscious assumptions remain probable or latent. Alter the beliefs and any probable self can, within certain limitations, be actualized. “ “When you try to change your convictions in order to change your experience, you also have to first stop the momentum that you have already built up, so to speak.” “When you alter these conscious beliefs through effort, then a period of time is necessary while the structure learns to adjust to the new preferred situation. If beliefs are changed overnight, comparatively less time is required.” “In one way or another, through your conscious thought you attracted such an event, and drew it from probability into actuality. The occurrence would be an accumulation of energy – turned into action- and be brought about by corollary beliefs.” Yikes, this is Seth, and it is also parallel to the teachings of Abraham and I am certain many other teachers, but these two are who I have followed for so many years. And this is Radical Forgiveness…Look what I created!! So as I sit having a pity party, I acknowledge that I am definitely the one throwing the party from start to a finish that I am seeking, and hopefully, immediately! I own it and I also want to move through it now. Outside influences have been where my attention has been focused for I would humbly say most of my life. I am realizing that again and again and again, I want to be the opinion that matters most to me. That is my work! It should be really easy, but I am finding that it is also easy to hang on to victim consciousness if it is serving me…and I want to give up the need for that service. The car is just a car, I know that. But today the car played a very big role for me in my experience of this past year. I would like it to be the straw that woke up this camel. Abraham quite specifically says…”There is no bottom!!” So unless I stop the momentum it can continue on and on and I am not willing to ALLOW that to happen. I invite anyone who is interested to follow on this journey with me. As a Radical Forgiveness Coach, I am learning a very big lesson of these teachings for myself and I have no intention of letting them go to waste. If I were to do that, then I would be rolling over and not grasping the Challenge and the Opportunity being offered me for this lifetime. I am determined to let myself out of jail and get back onto the playground. And as I embark on this new journey, I hold all others who are having difficult experiences in prayer…because there is so much power in prayer.